Qualitative Findings for Study 3: The Phenomenology of Joy: Insights from the Imagery in Movement Method

 

1.     Joy was set apart from aspects of life that were felt to have a sense of brokenness.

a.     P1: “Like this was whenever I was, my therapist was first trying to just get me to, like, um, just start to know myself, you know, being, like, just let yourself like things, and I…and I was so analytical about everything. I was so outta touch and I didn’t even have a favorite color, you know? And obviously I’m a very different person now, and I have colors that I really like, that feel good around me…”

b.     P2: “I always felt like the odd man out. Um, but I enjoyed being alone most of the time.”

c.      P3: “So I think that, to me, thinking about how I said earlier there were these moments of joy broken with the trauma, and I was thinking about that as I was doing this. How can I represent that brokenness in the trauma, but also being resilient enough to still experience joy as a child and not be completely broken by the darkness?”

2.     Joyful moments were experienced as a breaking out from, or escape, from brokenness.

a.     P1: “Like, if I think of my house, right? Like those memories feel dark. Like, literally I’m imagining them; they’re in a, like, darker hue or something. I don’t even know, you know? But when I was outside, it’s like, it’s bright, you know?”

b.     P2: “Um, back then, um, in my early years, I, I didn’t, or I didn’t feel like I had a close relationship with [my father]…I was just thinking about, um, those times when my dad mulching, and, um, yeah, I think that was, um, one of those things that actually brought us together whenever I was younger…”

c.      P3: “…So I kind of had to take them as they came because I had moments of joy, and then something would happen in the house or at the home or my step dad especially, and then it would break, and then I’d have some moments of joy again in between that.”

3.     Joy was felt as an expansion of the world.

a.     P1: “And my brother’s there and we just made this whole world outside together…I really enjoyed, like, going in the dirt and looking at bugs and stuff with him. It’s like a whole world of stuff in the dirt…There’s a whole life there…We had a whole life that we made outside in that yard.”

b.     P2: “We would just run around like crazy in this huge house.”

c.      P3: “So yeah, school was definitely my way to make friends and have a social life. Even if it was just in the confines of school, it was my extension to the world.”

4.     Joy was experienced as a sense of freedom.

a.     P1: “Creation and freedom.”

b.     P2: “…even now I like to revert to escapism sometimes. Very, um, like fictional worlds or whatever. Um, used to do it all the time as a kid…”

c.      P3: “…being on the school bus and that little bit of independence…it’s a free for all on the bus…”

5.     Joy was associated with brightness.

a.     P1: “When I was outside with my brother, and its just always so bright, you know? Like, those memories are bright.”

b.     P2: [Implied by the bright red and green colors chosen for the drawing]

c.      P3: “To me, what’s joyous about the yellow is it’s very bright, it’s very energetic.”

6.     Joy was connected to nature and the outdoors, which evoked feelings of being grounded as well as a sense of peace and calm.

a.     P1: “…I think all my good memories from childhood are associated with the outdoors, outside, you know?...It’s supposed to be calming, too.”

b.     P2: “I would just, um, walk in the garden for hours and just, they were my favorite flower…I remember walking around barefoot all the time…Um, but I just love the feeling of dirt between my feet and I wanted, like, to bring that sensation into it. Not just pretty, the look of the flowers, but the feeling of the dirt…And I would just go there sometimes, for some peace and quiet…Very serene for me.”

c.      P3: “Nature. I’ve always been a huge nature person. When I’m outside in nature is when I feel really joyful, when I feel most like myself…It’s just calming, its grounding, its neutralizing…”

7.     Joy was expressive of moments of exploration and discovery.

a.     P1: “I think about us just discovering all this life around us and looking under rocks and knowing where to find certain insects. Kind of learning where different insects, different places were, and you know we were just kind of exploring a new world around us.”

b.     P2: “I would just, um, walk in that garden for hours…”

c.      P3: “..when I started to break out of that shell, and I started, actually, like, talking to strangers and people.”

8.     Joy was evoked by opportunities for creativity and play.

a.     P1: “…all these different games, different worlds that we had…But when we got older, we had this game called college kids, where we were like fully actualized adults with an entire society, because we were just so ready to get out. We had, like, a whole city. Eventually, we had Nature’s Basket, which was a restaurant. We made shit out of dirt and we sold it to pretend shoppers, haha….Creation and freedom.”

b.     P2: “I remember playing hide and seek in my grandma’s huge house…I was pretty creative. I, I like to play with pipe cleaners and just, like, make little monsters out of ‘em…It reminds me of making fairy houses. Um, I would collect flowers and, like, just make it so it looks like, ‘oh, it’s a house!’”

c.      P3: “I’d be by myself, and I would just kind of like play airplanes, which is what I called it; circle around and then I’d lie on the floor and…just watching the ceiling kind of like spiral until the dizziness came away…I used to love going outside and playing.”

9.     Joy was experienced as a transformation of the experience of lived time (temporality).

a.     P1: “I think time when you’re a kid is so different than when you’re an adult. I’d say probably like only an hour. But it felt like a long time.”

b.     P2: …I would just, um, walk in that garden for hours…We would walk in nature for hours, miles sometimes.”

c.      P3: “They were very fleeting as a kid.”

10.  Joy was often evoked in moments of connection to family and friends.

a.     P1: “And my brother is there and we just made this whole world outside together.”

b.     P2: “…those times when my dad was mulching and, um, yeah, I think that was, um, one of those things that actually brought us together whenever I was younger…I remember [my sister and I] bonding over, um, like Harry Potter and just different, like, shows that we were into…I enjoyed those times, too with [my mother] walking in nature…”

c.      P3: “I was thinking about this moment that I had with [my mother] where she was sitting and holding me…This sort of squiggle here in the center, which, looking at it no, I interpret that as, like, our connection…Dancing in the bedroom to new music that was coming out, being in the care with music, [my sister] and I, we’ve always connected over our tastes in music…I would love to socialize and talk to people on the bus.”

11.  Joy was, at times (in the case of two of three participants) evoked in moments of solitude, especially during opportunities to explore nature, or to express creative forms of play.

a.     P1: [Participant did not recollect moments of solitude]

b.     P2: “And I would go there sometime for, for some peace and quiet, to be alone….

c.      P3: “I’d be by myself, and I would just kind of play airplanes…”

Based on the general themes outlined above, we then derived the following General Situated Structure Description of childhood joy, as recollected by adults:

As the adult participants recollected moments of joy from childhood, they experienced these moments of joy as set apart from other aspects of their life in which they felt a sense of brokenness. Joyful moments, consequently, were experienced as opportunities to break out from or escape from this brokenness. In breaking out from that sense of brokenness, participants felt an expansion of the world and a sense of freedom to discover and explore the world and to express their creativity through imaginative play or artistic pursuits. In these moments of joy, the world appeared bright, and they experienced a transformation in their sense of time or temporality—for example, immersing themselves in activities that seemed to last hours. Moments of joy were typically evoked in moments when the participant felt more deeply connected and intimate with family and friends. However, participants, in some cases, also described moments of joy when they enjoyed their solitude, especially during opportunities to explore nature, or in creative forms of play. Though not always the case, joy was typically associated with experiences of a connection to nature and the outdoors, which evoked feelings of being grounded as well as bringing a sense of peace and calm.